I am...deeply touched with gratitude right now. I don't have the words to express what I'm feeling. How can God be so good to me? How can I ever be content with my unprofitable status before Him?
I looked at the stars today, and I became whole.
I mean this metaphorically. Stars are pictures of the past that blaze in the present, like how my journals open a window to a version of myself that doesn't exist anymore. I was reading in my journals today, trying to understand a past that has plagued my subconscious for a long time. And as I read, I saw with more clarity than I ever have before. I saw my shining moments, heroic and selfless and clear. I saw the valiant strengths and efforts of those that I associated with. I also saw our individual weaknesses and how they combined into monstrous, unfortunate circumstances. Today, the good and the bad blurred and meshed, morphing my perception of people from my past into something beautiful.
It turned them human. Isn't it wonderful? I don't have to be right or wrong, and neither do any of the people that have hurt me. We are all human beings trying to find our path to happiness, and in an imperfect world, there will always be friendly fire.
I haven't always really understood this concept. I looked at my actions and the actions of others, trying to understand who was moral/right/best and who was not. But in reality, it doesn't matter. The point of being human is that we learn from our experiences. So today for my Savior, I wrote to someone who hurt me deeply and not only expressed gratitude for their good efforts, but apologized for grievances I had rendered that I might not have acknowledged fully before. Indeed, I couldn't acknowledge them because I didn't see them until now.
I feel at peace, more so than I have in a long time. I don't expect that all my problems are fixed, but I know without a doubt that Heavenly Father has helped me mature and progress over the past few years. I am very grateful for the help that I've been given.
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